I've taken the teeth From a crocodile's smile And I've stolen the brain Of a rich man I've torn the tongue From the snidest witch I've threaded my needle And now I must stitch Stitch me my perfect child The bodies I found Left out in the cold The breathless, The senseless The corrupt and old My hands shall move quickly While flesh I fold To make me, to make me My perfect child No breast feeding monkeys round here No dirty nappies in sight No plastic toys No sleepless nights Just neat stitching, high voltage and moonlight And when he has life He'll understand We left nothing here for him In this ruined land I shall reject him And you shall neglect him For that is the fate Of my perfect child

Laboratory equipment With all it's sights and sounds Can make a mad professor Feel like a million pounds Or several cups of coffee Or like a guinea pig Or like a what d'you call it? A whatsit thingyme jig? Laboratory equipment With all its lights and knobs Can make a mad professor Feel like he has three jobs Two heads and half a pipe full Or like he needs a drink Or wants to flick the switches on And make the whole world blink Laboratory equipment With all it's ins and out Can make a mad professor Doubtless doubtful of his doubts And of his many theories And some which aren't yet his And one or two that might be yours And maybe one that is Laboratory equipment With all it's bangs and flashes Cam make a mad professor Start twirling his moustaches Or madly tugging at his beard Or twiddling with his thumbs Or telephoning takeaways And professional chums Laboratory equipment When all is said and done Can make a mad professor or break him Or someone Or someone said it somewhere Someone summed it up When he or she said some such thing Now where's my coffee cup?

Cambridge to Paddington There's a man on the train making the most appalling noises with his mouth and nose whilst eating ... constantly. I hope he gets off soon. Do I need another cup of tea? He just doesn't stop eating and sniffing! Bought myself some big red fake eyelashes... For tonight. Ugghh! That smell again, always at the same spot in the journey. I killed man, it was me, I remember, I remember For the pleasure For the fun Because he was there Because I needed something to do Because I had a knife in my hand Because it felt a strange attraction to his back How embarrassing! I just went to the toilet and discovered I have a large hole in my trousers, around the bum area. On the way back to my seat I'm sure people were laughing at me and pointing. There's a girl opposite me. Plump in very tight trousers, but I bet her trousers don't split around the bum area in public, if not why not?Im quite thin... I killed man, it was me, I remember, I remember For the pleasure For the fun Because he was there Because I needed something to do Because I had a knife in my hand Because it felt a strange attraction to his back Like magnetism My ex-boyfriend Garry was a very violent man, Im a bit worried it might be him, turning up drunk at my flat. Sort of thing he'd do. Things in his life take a turn for the worse and he decides to blame it all on me some girl he went out with years back. The neighbour said the drunk said he was my boyfriend, that he'd had to go away for a while but now he was back f or me. I killed man, it was me, I remember, I remember For the pleasure For the fun Because he was there Because I needed something to do Because I had a knife in my hand Because it felt a strange attraction to his back

There's a bird in my gutter Feed it my lover There's a bird in my gutter Feed it my lover I don't want you anymore I don't need you anymore I just want you to feed my bird There's a bird in my gutter Feed it my lover There's a bird in my gutter Feed it my lover Now I want you back again And I want you by my side Now I need you back again I just want you to Be my bird

The Taxidermist stuffs The beautiful and the rare The tiger And the Wildebeest The dancing bear The Taxidermist stuffs The beautiful and the rare The unicorn And the cyclops They're all there The Taxidermist stuffs Through fleshy holes The young The old The beautiful And the bold Politicians and musicians Doctors and bureaucrats Cyclists and MPs Guitarists, drummers, bassists and fiddlers And physicians That he keeps in glass cabinets At the top of the stairs Placed in position Lines up each pair The beautiful and the rare Tear out that tongue Before it speaks another word Tie down those hands Before they write another line That brain better In a bottle... All listeners beware Of this sordid affaire For one day You may Find yourself trapped there Fixed with a grim stair And I Won't care The beautiful and the rare

To the surface they arrive Bulging their unblinking eyes Blueish green light organs glimmer Luring any late night swimmer To his agonising death (Or even hers) By some gruesome evolution Certain monsters of the ocean depths have sprouted fins and fingers Bristling fangs and deadly stingers And an appetite for human flesh (And candyfloss) From the shallow waters creeping Whilst the lifeboat men are sleeping Creatures from the gloomy deep Catching their breath in stinking heaps Like bin bags strewn across the sand (But somewhat worse) Rudimentary Lungs inflating Whistling, wheezing, watching, waiting breathing in the seaside pongs of fish and chips and sweaty thongs Cornish pasties, carps and mud Phhhoah what a smell! How their nostrils flare and quiver Oily bodies shake and shiver Photophores grow ever brighter As they note to their delight The stench of human kind Nightmare mermen from the deep Fishy mutants slowly creep Across Britannia's sandy strands On webby feet and scaly hands Towards the ice cream shop Of course it's shut We shall fight them On the beaches Armed with Winston Churchill's speeches And perhaps the birdy song That should make them move along Unless they somehow know the moves Well they might Or we could try interbreeding One might grow into a leading Politician or the Mayor Or another Leo Sayer Right, thats settled Here's the plan We'll mate with them them Because we can Presuming our organs are compatible Well are they? Could somebody please find out...

Mother Loved The Milkman Father's secretary Went like a dream There's and odd child From the suburb Where the vicar keeps A small harem On Sundays After service He gives sexual concealing To the converted Shows porn films To the deprived During the week He shags their wives (Miss Roberts preaches to the gathered congregation) Oh lover He'll sell our secret He'll piut your por collection On eBay Oh lover He'll undermine you He'll ten time you Then throw you Away Oh vicar!

What happens to the Sin Eater Once he's eaten all your sin? What happens to the Sin Eater Once he's eaten all your sin? Does it leave a bad taste in his mouth That he simply cant get out? Does it give him indigestion throughout The following night? Does it interrupt his thinking Or corrupt his sight? What happens to the Sin Eater Once he's eaten all your sin? Do you love him for saving you? Do you hate him for tasting Your sin? Is sin acidic Does it taste of gin Or has it more the flavour of bile Does it taste better Left overnight Marinaded for a while? What happens to the Sin Eater Once he's eaten all your sin?

Behemoth, Behemoth where do you go now? Sky all cracked ope, the depths all counted No hole large enough for your shaggy carcass No road wide enough to drag yourself down I went to the hollow land to visit the straw I went to the ocean to meet the leviathan Both were empty, both were deserted neither wide enough to drag myself down So I'll go to the high place, find the thin air Where dying is easy no fie needed to Evaporate disperse no cant speeding Slowly fading leaving no carcass

How much is your afterlife worth? A lifetime of prayer? Years of self flagellation? How does 99.99 sound to you? That's right - install an Automatic Priest into your loft Jet, private lift or submarine And you get an express pass through St Peter's gate Anytime, anywhere Install an Automatic Priest Hook it up to your vital signs Accidentally cause your And watch it go... Ashes to Ashes Dust to Dust As I walk through the valley Of the shadow of a mess You know I'll stick to you Ive got a large erection Ive got a huge conviction I've got a strange suspicion And I am the light So don't delay Pick up an Automatic Priest today How much is your afterlife worth? For just 99.99 and its yours Call now 666 Miss Roberts 66 You won't be disappointed Ashes to Ashes Dust to Dust As I walk through the valley Of the shadow of a mess You know I'll stick to you Ive got a large erection Ive got a huge conviction I've got a strange suspicion And I am the light

Is there anybody there? Is there anybody... over there? Is there anybody called Wolfgang? Wolfgang? Is that you? Tell me, have you enough to do? Are you OK for food? Your collection of lamps? Or your myriad of stamps? Are they all up there with you? Wolfgang are you there? Have you climbed the stairs? Or have they sent you down... You know... Down there? What's that Wolfgang? You want to possess me? Oh Well, only if you are sure, I don't want to start a quandary but with just one thing I... (Wolfgang possesses Miss Roberts) Hello me dears How are you down there? Is that you Clare What you done with your hair? What about them mobiles and techno jungle chip files You'll never guess who I saw the the day Bloody Greta Garbo it was her I swear Looking a little the worse for wear There were fish in her heir And her blouse had a tear And I swear She came up to me And said it ainf alf cold in here and I I said I know I could tell With her Coca And she said I know I know What about them mobiles And she said I know I know I know I know And she said I Know Something something something I know.